Wow, how much conceit do I have to write a public journal? To think that anyone gives two shits of a rat's dick of what I have to say about Carlos Mencia. (wow, was that really five years ago? Feels like yesterday)
Anyway, Mencia is still a proven thief and I do feel that if one appreciates comedy that they should care, but I don't know why I have to tear things down that annoy me slightly. I honestly don't really care that much but for whatever reason I have to act like I am so indignant about everything. But who am I to be judging? Is my personality and character flawless? My personality and character is nothing BUT flaws.
I wont go through all the flaws because I don't want to turn this into a pity party. I'm hear to let people know that in the last several years, especially in the last several months I have changed a lot as a person.
I see people differently now. I've known the fear of death. I've known the fear of life. Intimately. I no longer presume things about people. Instead, I worry. I worry a lot. I feel each life as its own self-contained drama filled with characters, dilemmas, tragedies, and glory.
I'm learning about positivity, a concept that I abandoned a long long time ago. I was taught by people I admired that positivity was something to be despised. Positivty was an ugly thing that was dangerous and intoxicating. Positivty was dyonissian and I had to be apollinian. Positivity was quaint and I had to be sophisticated.
The road ahead of me is going to be filled with challenges that make my previous trials seem like a walk in the park. I have to harden myself even more, but not just hardened to positivity, I have to be hardened to negativity. No more of this cynicism and snark. No more trying to be the angry critic of everything safe.
I'm come far already. I'm literally a different person. I'm almost entirely a new arrangement of atoms. I have a chance to be reborn again as a self challenger. I'm going to climb this mountain and see my new self at the summit.