Ned Holness (carlos mencia): worst comedian ever

Well, maybe he's not the absolute WORST comedian ever, but he is among the worst to actually make it to popular consciousness. I know of a few worse comedians. This is going to be a long one.

Firstly, he is NOT CONTROVERSIAL OR TABOO at all. The content of his material are out in the open already: racism, stereotypes, racial inequality, civil right violations, homosexuality, and anything else on FOX NEWS. It's stuff everyone talks about...openly. It's not edgy, it's tame. And you know what, by the time Ned gets the idea to write a joke about some issue in the news, about a thousand other people/talk show hosts/editorialists/cartoonists will have already beaten him to the punch (and will have done a far better job than Ned ever will).

In his routines, he talks about ALL races because he wants to be all inclusive about his imbecilic racist generalizations so that no one's feelings IN PARTICULAR get hurt. This contradicts his general premise:

"I think that a lot of times people have opinions and they don't let them out...they keep it inside...and why? There's no point! It shouldn't matter if "people's feelings get hurt"...what hurts more is if you keep quiet and let stupid people be stupid forever. Some people can crack jokes about people, but they can't take it...well...if that's you...then do me a favor and SHUT THE HELL UP! "--taken from his myspace profile.

Guess what. Every comedian already does this...except for Ned. It would be funny if he JUST talked about Blacks as if to play a character as a person who has an absurd hatred of blacks. The way STELLA or Borat might particularly pick on Jewish people. That would be funny, and it would be daring. He claims he wants to be inclusive to every major race so that he can be fair. Fuck that, comedy isn't supposed to be kind or fair, especially if you're going to be crude or vulgar. Comedy ought to be as BRUTAL to the audience as possible. The best comedians who do material similar to Ned's know how to gingerly dance on the line of alienating their audience. Examples of this are Richard Pryor (who discusses white folks), David Cross (who often does stereotypical impersonations of pious New Yorker Jews), Sarah Silverman (who very often tricks you into believing she honestly hates minorities), Jimmy Kimmel (and his feigned mistrust of women), just to name a few. South Park's Eric Cartman will without any holds barred make the most alarming and hideous racist remarks about jews, hispanics, asians, homosexuals, and blacks...and he'll do it with far greater style and non-chalance than Ned could ever fake. These comedians/characters say these things to satirize the absurdity of bigotry, and not to actually be a homophobe or a racist. Ned Holness will sometimes do a 15 minute routine of JUST doing stereotypical observations of different racial groups. "Asians are smart, can't drive, and have little penises. Mexicans are all lazy immigrants." Etc. The audience will merely laugh because they are either too stupid to realize they themselves already make the same kinds of racist generalizations in their minds and will make those statements out loud around the office because they are comforted by the fact they are not actually racist, or because they have a very unrefined sense of humor. Ned Holness (aka carlos mencia) is not controversial. I don't find him insulting or offensive, I will be very very openly offensive and use racial stereo types with my friends, and I will include blacks, hispanics, asians, christians, muslims, jews, and gays, because I'm not a biggot. I am half Asian and half Hispanic.

Secondly, Ned Holness doesn't know how to tell actual jokes or perform actual bits. ALL he does is tell far fetched anecdotes that are supposed to sound true to life which is then peppered with racist observations based on stereotypes. I'm not calling him a racist as I believe he isn't really racist, I'm just saying he thinks he's funny by retelling the old and tired racist stereotypes. Now, Actual jokes and bits require a set of skills which are also tempered by their timing and mode of delivery. The skills include but are not limited to: set up and punch line, absurd or abstract observations, word play, brevity, cultural referencing, self depricating, reading the audience, impersonation, miming, delivery, parody, taboo, silliness, anti-humor, sarcasm, satire of politics/religion/pop culture/etc, and physical slap stick. These are very fundamental, base, and traditional conventions of the art form known as Spoken Comedy. Ned Holness adheres to none of these. All his routine basically consists of is racial observations or how he thinks something is "dee dee dee". Occasionally he will do accents, but just to highlight the race he is "portraying". If you really watch his routine, you'll notice his accents are poorly executed and outright inaccurate, and they don't even contribute to the humor of the bit. David Cross' impersonation of the hassidic Jew is so exaggerated and stereotypical as to be obviously satirical of traditional preconceptions of the image of hassidic Jews, thus being satirical (although hardly anyone ever gets it). David Cross also does brilliant impersonations of southern white redneck evangelical christians.

Thirdly, Ned Holness' material is old news, really old news. Why would racism which is millions of years old and has always been inherently funny in the past even before slavery, not to mention before Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy, be as funny as people think it is now just because he's regurgitating all of it in a kind and good spirited manner? Like my first point, he just talks about stuff that everyone else has talked about. Ununique, Unoriginal, Unfunny.

Racial stereotypes are inherently funny, (But I'd like to make clear that bigotry, racism, and discrimination is not funny, I am not racist, I do not hate gays or any other racial groups, I am the product of a mixed race couple), but to the victimizer of the racial humor, it is funny, and this cannot be argued. Racism shares the same structure of thought with how a joke is told. An observation is made about a group of people, the observation is then made into a generalization, and then exaggerated.

Racism is actually an outdated psychological built-in adaptation we evolved. An instinct early humans had that gave them a built in survival instinct to mistrust people of different tribes. Humans today still have it but these feelings can be suppressed because there is no longer a logical basis to mistrust people who look differently than you. We survived hundreds of thousands of years before the slave trade by loving our fellow man, we are such a successful species because of our curiosity, compassion, empathy, and mutual respect. (So in a nutshell: EVERYONE IS TO SOME DEGREE IS RACIALLY PREJUDICE.) Racist humor today is seen as being cruel, backwards, and in bad taste, but when the humorist is genuinely good natured and a genuine anti-racist, racial humor can be funny, but ONLY if it is done to be ironic or to satirize the racist nature of American culture. Even then, you can't make your ENTIRE career out of doing racial material. Lisa Lamponelli is known for having a routine that is almost exclusively racist and bigoted, but she pulls it off successfully and quite brilliantly (and NOT because she does indeed date black men and have homosexual friends) but because she is PLAYING or PERFORMING AS the racist inside all of us. But also because her observations about minorities and homosexuals are genuinely funny, often using word play and vivid grotesque verbal descriptions.

I don't claim to be an expert of stand up comedy, but I do know what funny is, and I appreciate comedy as an art form. As an artist, I feel that I have developed a capacity for language to understand the quality of the art I experience. I can critique things with a some-what objective perspective and I can enjoy good art when I see it.

Fourthly, Ned Holness's show is the biggest fallacy in the history of sketch comedy.

To get off topic for a moment, I think Dave Chapelle's show wasn't that great either (but still much better than Ned's). There were a few very funny sketches, but only because they were likely written by comedians other than Dave. (The Charlie Murphy monologues for example). I like his performance, delivery, and a genuine fearlessness of his audience, which gives him the advantage of surprising his audience, but I just don't like the show.

Back to Ned's show though, "Mind of Mencia". Off the bat, the show's title is very misleading and arrogant. It suggests that he thought up these "new" ideas that minorities are different. A real laugh riot...sarcasm. It also suggests that he is somehow thoughtful of his material and mindful of the audience's interpretation and sophisticated view of his material. This could not be farther from the truth. The show is an absolute trainwreck failure. Once a friend told me that when she watches the Daily Show or the Colbert Report she has to mute it during the commercials because she can't stand listening to the Mind of Mencia promos.

Here's a list of comedians I think are of the highest calibur in the art form: Patton Oswalt, Sarah Silverman, Kerry Kenny Silver, Carlos Alazraqui (pretty much everyone on Reno 911) Laura Kightlinger, Bobcat Goldthwait, Harland Williams, David Cross, Bill Bailey, Demetry Martin, Brian Posein, Mitch Hedburg, Dave Attel, Tod Barry, Jon Benjamin, Tom Rhodes, Zack Galifianakis, Maria Bamford, David Allen Grier, Jeneane Garofalo, Steven Wright, Bill Hicks, Bob Sagat, Lisa Lamponelli, Conan O'Brian, Neil Hamburger, Tracy Morgan, Eddie Murphy (before 1996), and the list goes on. Like I said, I'm not any kind of connoisseur as I have never watched a Woody Allen movie all the way through or seen any of his stand up, but I believe I do have a refined taste for comedy.

Mind of Mencia is indeed an insult to the comedy central audience. The network that brought us brilliant shows like The Man Show, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Strangers with Candy, The Upright Citizen's Brigade, Comedy Central Presents, STELLA, Premium Blend, Pulp Comics, and Dr. Kats professional therapist....and now this steaming pile of shit: Mind of Mencia. The only person who would have been even worse to give his own show to is Larry the Cable G-...oooh, yeah...never mind. That just goes to show you that not everything comedy central puts on the air is gold. Just because Mind of Mencia gets greenlighted doesn't mean it's on par with the shows I listed above. Not even close. "Mind of Mencia" should be called "Comedy for Imbeciles". It's the most poorly contrived collection of drunken frat house inanity to ever make it to popular consciousness.

In case you can't see these facts for yourself, there are several gimmicks he pulls on his show that I'm going to point it out.
1) When he plays the audience on the show, he hires plants to sit in the audience to "RANDOMLY" be there for Ned to rib. If this fact isn't plainly obviouse to you...then I'll bet dollars to dohnuts you were suckered in to a pyramid scheme at some time in your past.
2) He uses a laugh track to spur compulsive laughter from the audience and in post editing for airing. (Which would be forgiveable in certain cases like sitcoms, but still, it's fucking lame)
3) He always uses the cheapest tricks and gimmicks to incite giggles (i.e. lame accents, lame costumes, midgets, props, barely faithful parodies, etc.)
4) He has a big team of writers (most of whom are teh suck)
5) He often blatantly advertises his religion (Catholicism) and actually endorses his beliefs. Plus he imposes his moral judgements on certain political/religious/cultural problems as being profound or applicable to everyone no matter what their beliefs. (The fact that he's catholic is in and of itself enough for me to think he's stupid. By the way, Dane Cook also believes Jesus was the son of god)
6) That brings me to his constant imposing of his system of morals on very big and very serious situations in the world, which does not provoke any kind of real critical thought, just knee jerk emotional response or opinion. Seriously…Ned, who gives a fuck what you think about the war in Iraq, Katrina, or 9/11. Conan, Leno, Bill O'Rielly, and some kids photoshopping pictures on the internet will have beaten you to the punch MONTHS ago. Give up on trying to be topical. You're too fucking slow.

There's probably more but I can't watch his show to make more of these points since watching his show for more than 10 minutes gives me a headache. Watching an entire show or an entire routine of his makes me want to repeatedly hammer my face against the top of a fire hydrant.

Anyone who advocates Ned Holness (AKA Carlos Mencia) as being a good comedian should be married and then set up on a date with Amy Fisher. Or if they are a woman, should go on a date with Gary Condit.

(If you're too stupid to understand those refferences, then in other words: anyone who like carlos mencia should be killed).

I hate Ned Holness (aka carlos mencia) so much, I wish he caught some new sexually transmitted disease and died a horrible slow painful death.

anywho

Even before I learned of what I'm about to tell you in this paragraph, I hated Ned Holness (carlos mencia) so much, that I was boycotting it at school. A while ago, a comedian named Joe Rogan (once host of another screamingly stupid reality show) called Carlos Mencia on (No, the reality show was not called "Carlos Mencia", by "called" I mean "exposed") the fact that he steals his material from other comedians. Kudos Joe Rogan, I love you man, but I fucking hate fear factor. When Joe made this information public on his blog and slammed Carlos for being such a shitty comic besides the fact that he steals material, Ned (or Carlos Mencia) actually denied it on the radio and then went on to say he was funnier than Joe. Uhhhh...uhhh haha...uhh..hahaha...It will be a fucking cold day in hell between Satan's ass cheeks before Carlos Mencia is funnier than Joe Rogan. He may not be as popular as Ned, but only because stupid people tend to define what popularity is (larry the cable guy). I really like Joe's stuff. I liked him on the man show with Doug Stanhope too (speaking of whom, I'd like to acknowlege that Dough Stanhope is also a very high calibur comedian who is also currently running for president of the United States). It was never the same as when Jimmy and Adam hosted, but I think it could have stayed on the air a lot longer than it did after the switch. My point here is that this controversy over Ned being a joke thief is to some degree in the public's awareness.

Last of all, Carlos Mencia's real name is Ned Holness. That's why I've been calling him Ned Holness this entire time. Want to know why he calls himself Carlos? I take personal offense to this bullshittery because my actual real life first name is Carlos. When he did stand up in a comedy club owned by Pauly Shore's mother, she pulled him aside after his routine and said his material is too racial and he should probably change his name to something more ethnic to make it seem less riskay. Well...okay, but what about all the white comics who do black or jew jokes unappologetically? What about two men on the Man Show unappollogetically joking about ENDING WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE? Should they have to make it plain to everyone that they don't really think women don't deserve the right to vote? That's the entire point of that kind of comedy. He is not a mexican. He never was a mexican. You can't just suddenly decide to become a mexican after you were born in Nebraska, putz. He is half German and half Honduran. He was born and raised in Nebraska. Just think about that FACT everytime you hear him refference mexicans or himself as a mexican. After he was outed, he started admitting he's not really mexican but justified calling himself mexican because white people along the border in this country refer to all hispanics as mexicans. THEN IT'S YOUR DUTY TO MAKE FUN OF THAT ASSHOLE!! Don't fucking perpetuate the misconception by calling yourself mexican. dickhat. Idiot. That's clearly some lame excuse to cover the fact that calling yourself mexican to do mexican jokes is a hack move. Further more, he has stolen material from Ellen Degeneres, Paul Mooney, and even Joe Rogan. But it doesn't stop there, the list goes on. If you google Joe Rogan and Carlos Mencia you can find Joe's blog where he goes into more first hand detailed accounts of Ned's bullshittery.

Ned Holness is the biggest fucking poser fraud sham charlatan liar fuck face I've ever heard of. And to top it off, he also steals other comedian's material. He stole about 20 minutes worth of material from another comedian named George Lopez (who is a very successful Hispanic entertainer and comedian). Just imagine how many other comedians he must be stealing from that we don't know about. Amateur struggling starving comedians who slave over perfecting their routine. What kind of message does that send? You can get by without having to be original or creative, just copy someone else's ideas and you'll be rich and famous? Fuck that shit. Fuck Ned.

I'm making it my personal duty in life to make sure people know what good comedy is. I know that all these people who think Ned Holness or Dane Cook is so great would realize they were shit if they got to experience what the whole of spoken comedy has to offer. Sure, there are a lot of shitty comics out there...but Carlos Mencia...seriously...The worst comedian EVER.

**Entry has been updated on March 23, 2007**